Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I can name that drug with three connotations

Daniel's suggestion of Ameliozene is good (comments of last post). These drug brands can be just that transparent in their implications.

Some notable drug brand names (assume a little ® after each):

Abilify: This antipsychotic drug has a nice 'verbing' name. To make able or to give ability is to abilify right?

Acarbose: Of course diabetics want to neutralize or decarbify all those sugars. They're not carbs. They're Acarbs.

Actron: Not only will you ease your suffering from osteoarthritis, you'll be strong like a robot!

Alavert: Avert is not only appropriate for someone hoping to avoid allergies--vert is also a popular syllable with that upright connotation.

Bactroban: This medication for bacterial skin disease has a negative sense. The name introduces itself as half bacteria for goodness sake.

Celexa: Half of the Citalopram molecule was useless and caused side effects. So they refined it and used only the good half to make Lexapro (Escitalopram). It's like Celexa finally made it to "the show."

Eulexin: These brands love that 'X'.

Flomax: Your enlarged prostate is keeping the flow to a minimum. Well take it to the max. (See this SNL ad for Urigrow. A disgusting parody that's very funny.)

Januvia: For some reason J is not a popular initial letter.

Miltown: Feeling anxious. Come on down to Miltown. More Chillin' when you're illin'

Provigil: Pro is a popular drug brand name morpheme. What sufferer from narcolepsy doesn't wish to be capable of a vigil?

Proscar: Either a racing circuit or a lobby in favor of the cicatrix or a bad name for a medication for an enlarged prostate.

Wigraine: Suffering from migraine? Wigraine? Because you deserve relief.

Wytensin: Why so tense? Wytensin. (You know they thought of that.)

Zanamivir: It's intended to curtail the flu virus. It sounds like the master of the pan flute. Wait. Zanamivir... respiration... flu... playing the flute... pan flute master Zamfir...

Zyban: We don't want any more Zys Dammit!

So I suggest we call this new drug Extasty (PRO) and make it in the shape of a little candy heart stamped with the message "Say Yes to Me!"


  1. If you get a headache from playing too many Nintendo games, can you take Wiigraine?

  2. [Voice-over a scene of a middle-aged guy throwing a frisbee for his golden retriever, while his two children--9 and 11, a boy and a girl, the girl wearing a blue baseball cap--stand by and clap; mists from a sprinkler in the sunny spring background]: "Ask your doctor about Vascu-cell. This is your heart. This is your life."

    Then, in a quiet, rapid-yet-calm voice: "Side effects may include nausea, diarrhea, kidney stones, mild chest pains, cirrhosis of the liver, liver failure, glaucoma, and premature alzheimer's. Vascucel is not for everyone. Consult your doctor if your blood pressure spikes above 200/120 or if your heart explodes in your chest. Some congestion is normal, but a reptilian alien bursting out of your ribcage may be a sign of a more serious disorder."

    Back to the loud, chipper voice-over: "Isn't it time you asked your doctor about Vascucel? This is your time. This is your life."

    [The girl puts her arm around her brother and gives a thumb up.]

  3. Jon, I like it, but that is the old MO for prescription commercials. The new technique is to have an actor in the commercial actually provide the disclaimer info. The most comical example of this that I've seen is here:


  4. Funny stuff. Good stuff.

    Nancy: Ha. That's horrible. I think that could double as the name of treatment-- playing on the 'wee' homophony.

    Your migraine getting to big? Make it a "weegraine"--(from Nintendo)

  5. Yeah, Daniel, I saw just saw one of those Yaz commercials over the weekend. In the ad I saw, the soundtrack was out of sync, so the words didn't match up with the woman's mouth. It was quite disconcerting...

    Change the Vascucel ad, and have brother saying to sister the list of side effects while dad rolls around in the sprinkler trying to get the frisbee out of dog's mouth.

  6. Hey so did you guys get into a study or not???


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